Thursday, 25 August 2011

The last ten nights,

When Ramadhan began I have to admit to having more goals than the ones I've managed to accomplish. But sometimes you just have to give in and settle for less. I'm not even using that first list of goals as a marker for what I've managed to accomplish this ramadhan, and in the end my goals were whittled right down to just three.
  • to spend more time reading my Qur'an...
  • to establish nawafil salat...
  • and to break my dastardly nafs...
I realised I would never be able to finish my Qur'an this ramadhan..the workload has just been a bit too intense. But my focus has shifted and now I make time to read masha'allah.

The nawafil has been easier to establish than I thought it would be. Taraweeh and Tahajjud in the masjid have fostered a deeper love for praying and I'm hoping that eventualy it will have a knock on effect on my concentration. Already the mind tends to wander less, khushoo is such an elusive treasure.

My nafs has been the hardest element to deal with. but all of this is a work in progress and when Ramadhan is over the work on refining our characters and coming closer to Allah will need to continue. This year more than any other I have become intensely aware of the aspects of myself that I am least happy with and need to change.

Qiyyam has been a blessed experience. Exhausting though, both mentally and physically. I can't describe the pain and tiredness we're feeling. We hear it now even in the recitation of our shuyook in the early hours of the morning... the tone is more subdued and the voices huskier than before, and so charged with emotion that we are moved to tears. Prayer can be such a humbling experience.

We only have a few nights of Qiyyam left. I'm savouring every early morning journey to the masjid, using the time before salat to read my Qur'an, and the time after for adhkar. I some changes in myself already...but not enough. We're getting such little sleep at the moment that it's making us more sensitive to everything around us. and I'm trying to use it positively. I don't always succeed of course... but I'm always drawn back
to the quote that "Islam is a state of becoming not a state of being".

And I have been reminded through all of this, that this is (in part) was what my hijrah was all about. Seeking nearness to Allah ta'ala. This has been the antidote I've needed to the intense homesickness I was feeling in the past couple of weeks. I feel exhausted but content, alhamdulillah.

How has your ramadhan experience changed you this year?
Has it been different from previous years?
I'd love to hear some of your ramadhan experiences insha'allah..


  1. This has been, by far, my best Ramadan mashallah :) I am on such a high about it! It's just been the simple things - Zaki is
    Old enough to get involved this year, breaking fast with us, praying with us & we've worked really hard to give him a real awareness that this is a special time. This has made it extra special for us. For the first time ever dh has been home for Maghrib every evening instead of at work, we've got up for suhoor, prayed on time and I've done a lot of reading. It just feels as though for the first time my deen is stronger and everything has kind of just come together this year alhamdulillah. Happy bunny!! Blooming shattered mind you ;)

  2. I just found your blog. It is simply lovely.

    It's lovely to read and just peruse through the past posts.

    Thank you for creating such a wonderful place to visit.