- to spend more time reading my Qur'an...
- to establish nawafil salat...
- and to break my dastardly nafs...
The nawafil has been easier to establish than I thought it would be. Taraweeh and Tahajjud in the masjid have fostered a deeper love for praying and I'm hoping that eventualy it will have a knock on effect on my concentration. Already the mind tends to wander less, khushoo is such an elusive treasure.
My nafs has been the hardest element to deal with. but all of this is a work in progress and when Ramadhan is over the work on refining our characters and coming closer to Allah will need to continue. This year more than any other I have become intensely aware of the aspects of myself that I am least happy with and need to change.
Qiyyam has been a blessed experience. Exhausting though, both mentally and physically. I can't describe the pain and tiredness we're feeling. We hear it now even in the recitation of our shuyook in the early hours of the morning... the tone is more subdued and the voices huskier than before, and so charged with emotion that we are moved to tears. Prayer can be such a humbling experience.
We only have a few nights of Qiyyam left. I'm savouring every early morning journey to the masjid, using the time before salat to read my Qur'an, and the time after for adhkar. I some changes in myself already...but not enough. We're getting such little sleep at the moment that it's making us more sensitive to everything around us. and I'm trying to use it positively. I don't always succeed of course... but I'm always drawn back
to the quote that "Islam is a state of becoming not a state of being".
And I have been reminded through all of this, that this is (in part) was what my hijrah was all about. Seeking nearness to Allah ta'ala. This has been the antidote I've needed to the intense homesickness I was feeling in the past couple of weeks. I feel exhausted but content, alhamdulillah.
How has your ramadhan experience changed you this year?
Has it been different from previous years?
I'd love to hear some of your ramadhan experiences insha'allah..